.................................
another god-damned easter poem
.................................

most of you was naked
i
on the other hand
was getting close
to the end of the conveyer belt
dumping us off into the abyss
or
into all the chocolate we'd ever want
but
there was no way to find out
which

it was

it seems that way with us
all of us who vowed
to always sleep naked under the same sheet

now you can walk up on the proverbial street
and ask either of us this question
and get a reply like you'd expect
from nazis at nuremburg
or commies before HUAC
or some poor queer bastard
needing a break from a judge of 85 who knows
this pervert should be damned

i can't help any of this
i tell myself i got to take a shower
and wash all this off for an hour or two

wash the sins like the girl called christ
(she was in drag)
that died
or didn't
a few days from now

i have no idea what to make of all that
these people come to my door
and tell me one thing
and after 3am on TV
some other people tell me ten other things
but all of them
want me to send my money

where can i find christ
so i can give it directly to him?

will it burn my hands when i do this?

will i perish in fire for some vile perversion
that i forgot about?

or will i be forgiven?

i really need to be forgiven
like everyone i know needs to be forgiven
for watching the starving people on TV
for truely feeling compassion
for about 15 seconds
till the next commercial tells me
to buy corn chips
and I WILL

oh god i promise I WILL
buy them
and eat each one savoring it
as it changes to YOU my CHRIST
changes on this EASTER of remembrance
changes to the flesh of the flesh i am eating
and grows large in me

i sometimes think of the child i am to bear
of my mother telling me
i could never do this because i was a boy

but i never could believe her
and i refuse to this day

i will become large with my savior

i will give birth to some salvation

and the truth that has always escaped me
shall be evident to this child
which i will press from me
in pain and victory
like the rock
upon which all that follows will be built

.................................
Ray Heinrich
.................................

 
Copyright © Ray Heinrich
March 1996

...a poem in this room by Marek Lugowski...
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